nothing_to_worry_about Melissa Spitz

"You have nothing to worry about." Photographs of my mentally ill mother.
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854 18 Aug 14, 2017
nothing_to_worry_about: Disney World (1 of 3), 1996

I have

Disney World (1 of 3), 1996 I have been going through a lot of home footage lately and recently found our family trip to Disney World. The video starts with my brother saying “Mom’s in a poopy mood today”… the video show us overly excited, jumping, screaming, happy and mom frustrated. She’s mean and annoyed. During one lunch she goes on to say something sarcastic like, “Look at how feminine our daughter is. Someone is going to LOVE our feminine daughter one day…” The audio is muffled and I wonder if my dad even realized what she was saying. It’s bizarre to find moments like this in the past… I remember loving this trip. Having so much fun. Nothing about mom being mean or down. The hardest part of the footage is my energy, I’m starved for attention.. Maybe I just exhausted my mom? Or maybe this was just normal for us? As I start getting material together for an upcoming exhibition the images feel like clues to some sort of mystery… were things ever normal? Can I trust what I remember? I know I write about memory often, but the more I search, the more I find. And it’s just strange. #1996 vacation

495 4 Aug 14, 2017
nothing_to_worry_about: Feminine Daughter, Disney World (2 of 3), 1996

Feminine Daughter, Disney World (2 of 3), 1996 I have been going through a lot of home footage lately and recently found our family trip to Disney World. The video starts with my brother saying “Mom’s in a poopy mood today”… the video show us overly excited, jumping, screaming, happy and mom frustrated. She’s mean and annoyed. During one lunch she goes on to say something sarcastic like, “Look at how feminine our daughter is. Someone is going to LOVE our feminine daughter one day…” The audio is muffled and I wonder if my dad even realized what she was saying. It’s bizarre to find moments like this in the past… I remember loving this trip. Having so much fun. Nothing about mom being mean or down. The hardest part of the footage is my energy, I’m starved for attention.. Maybe I just exhausted my mom? Or maybe this was just normal for us? As I start getting material together for an upcoming exhibition the images feel like clues to some sort of mystery… were things ever normal? Can I trust what I remember? I know I write about memory often, but the more I search, the more I find. And it’s just strange. #1996 vacation

459 7 Aug 14, 2017
nothing_to_worry_about: Disney World (3 of 3), 1996

I have

Disney World (3 of 3), 1996 I have been going through a lot of home footage lately and recently found our family trip to Disney World. The video starts with my brother saying “Mom’s in a poopy mood today”… the video show us overly excited, jumping, screaming, happy and mom frustrated. She’s mean and annoyed. During one lunch she goes on to say something sarcastic like, “Look at how feminine our daughter is. Someone is going to LOVE our feminine daughter one day…” The audio is muffled and I wonder if my dad even realized what she was saying. It’s bizarre to find moments like this in the past… I remember loving this trip. Having so much fun. Nothing about mom being mean or down. The hardest part of the footage is my energy, I’m starved for attention.. Maybe I just exhausted my mom? Or maybe this was just normal for us? As I start getting material together for an upcoming exhibition the images feel like clues to some sort of mystery… were things ever normal? Can I trust what I remember? I know I write about memory often, but the more I search, the more I find. And it’s just strange. #1996 vacation

175 1 Jul 31, 2017
nothing_to_worry_about: Mom in the Dark, 2015 
#YouHaveNothingToWorryAbout #MentalHealth #mom #
1755 134 Jul 31, 2017
nothing_to_worry_about: Mom in the Dark, 2015 
I

Mom in the Dark, 2015 I've been depressed. There, I said it. And it's been incredibly conflicting. On one hand I overthink and stress that I am genetically predisposed to be evil, down, unhappy, everything that is my mother. On the other hand I know I'm stronger than her and my thoughts, if I wasn't I wouldn't be where I am today. Is there a chemical imbalance in my brain? Is this what happens when you're removed from abuse? Is this life after being raised by someone with mental health issues? Am I broken record? Being depressed in the summer is the strangest. Barely eating, barely sleeping, barely moving - outsiders are envious because I'm skinny and staying up late, but it's killing me. I fake a smile, a conversation, an Instagram post, anything to remain "normal". It’s like the world is flying by while I’m moving in slow motion. I started seeing my therapist again and am working on allocating time for myself. Learning to say no. Learning to keep this energy for me. It's a tunnel and this work will allow me to see the light again. It always comes back. I know I'm not alone and I wanted to thank this little community for listening and helping. I by no means intend to play the victim or beg for sympathy, I've got nothing to worry about and neither do you, it's okay to be down sometimes. Even if it is the summer… Mom called yesterday to see how I was doing, she said "Well I've been happy and I sure hope you don't have bi polar!", she laughed and hung up the phone.

198 3 Jul 31, 2017
nothing_to_worry_about: Mom in the Dark, 2015 
#YouHaveNothingToWorryAbout #MentalHealth #mom #
334 1 Jul 14, 2017
nothing_to_worry_about: The last fall at Oldbridge Drive, 2014

#youhavenothingtoworryabout #

The last fall at Oldbridge Drive, 2014

260 0 Jul 14, 2017
nothing_to_worry_about: The last fall at Oldbridge Drive, 2014

#youhavenothingtoworryabout #

The last fall at Oldbridge Drive, 2014

379 0 Jul 14, 2017
nothing_to_worry_about: The last fall at Oldbridge Drive, 2014

During

The last fall at Oldbridge Drive, 2014 During my time abroad and with my dad and brother, I thought a lot about life before photo sharing. Handheld digital cameras, my old canon A1 and callow about photography in general...it was a hobby and something I happened to be good at. Remember covering your actual walls with photos and news articles? 4x6 glossy prints were trophies for me. As a kid it was the only thing I liked doing. Lately I've felt consumed by social media, overwhelmed by all of this information and imagery. Pressure to share, share, share. The negativity of the world is exhausting, so today I wanted to post something simple. . . During this shoot the light was beautiful. Mom was initially laying down, I started photographing the branches when she got up to walk inside. I watched her pass through the leaves into my viewfinder. I asked her to stop and look at me.

218 0 Jul 14, 2017
nothing_to_worry_about: The last fall at Oldbridge Drive, 2014

#youhavenothingtoworryabout #

The last fall at Oldbridge Drive, 2014

1088 12 Jul 14, 2017
nothing_to_worry_about: The last fall at Oldbridge Drive, 2014

During

The last fall at Oldbridge Drive, 2014 During my time abroad and with my dad and brother, I thought a lot about life before photo sharing. Handheld digital cameras, my old canon A1 and callow about photography in general...it was a hobby and something I happened to be good at. Remember covering your actual walls with photos and news articles? 4x6 glossy prints were trophies for me. As a kid it was the only thing I liked doing. Lately I've felt consumed by social media, overwhelmed by all of this information and imagery. Pressure to share, share, share. The negativity of the world is exhausting, so today I wanted to post something simple. . . During this shoot the light was beautiful. Mom was initially laying down, I started photographing the branches when she got up to walk inside. I watched her pass through the leaves into my viewfinder. I asked her to stop and look at me.

215 0 Jul 14, 2017
nothing_to_worry_about: The last fall at Oldbridge Drive, 2014

During

The last fall at Oldbridge Drive, 2014 During my time abroad and with my dad and brother, I thought a lot about life before photo sharing. Handheld digital cameras, my old canon A1 and callow about photography in general...it was a hobby and something I happened to be good at. Remember covering your actual walls with photos and news articles? 4x6 glossy prints were trophies for me. As a kid it was the only thing I liked doing. Lately I've felt consumed by social media, overwhelmed by all of this information and imagery. Pressure to share, share, share. The negativity of the world is exhausting, so today I wanted to post something simple. . . During this shoot the light was beautiful. Mom was initially laying down, I started photographing the branches when she got up to walk inside. I watched her pass through the leaves into my viewfinder. I asked her to stop and look at me.